Chanel…….. and Arm Pitt and Expensive tastes! Was I a Changeling?

I can remember reading a fairytale, when I was a child, about a changeling and I used to think, that when I got to the top of our road, where the Co-op was, clutching the shopping bag and shopping list, that a wonderfully handsome prince would ride up to me on his white horse and tell me that I was really a princess, and there had been a terrible mistake, and I really lived in a palace and wouldn’t ever have to go to the Co-op ever again!

I can remember there were always dogs roaming around without owners, and you used to have to have quite a big shopping bag to protect your legs, when sidling past them, hoping that they wouldn’t jump up and bite you. Dogs were really my biggest fear, when I was little, and also having to go out to the coalhouse in the dark.

i read , and re-read ‘The Purple Fairy Book’ which had the most hideous pictures of goblins and demons and from an early age I became ‘The Princess’ from the Grimms’ Fairy Tales, who just couldn’t sleep as her mattress was so uncomfortable. The King piled mattress upon mattress and still the princess couldn’t sleep. It turned out to be a hard pea on the bottom mattress! I must find that story as I still insist on good beds and have to complain in hotels if the mattresses are not to my standards!

In fact I am completely anxiety-ridden; my husband often asks me why I bound into bed waking him up through the night, if I have been on one of those journeys across the landing to the loo. It’s not long ago really that I have started to turn the landing light off but I am not going to tell him that! I put one hand on the switch, looking at the bed room door, and then make a bolt for the bed before anything in the dark might loom up at me!

I used to sometimes have to pinch myself in the classroom, as I couldn’t believe I was having to actually work in a school, amongst teachers! I was much too posh for school! I can remember buying the last staff room, a set of posh matching soup bowls because i couldn’t bear all the scummy assorted crockery they used! I just love POSH. I check all hotels to see if they are Johansen accredited and I read every Tripadvisor review before I book anything. I don’t do: camping, mobile-homes, caravans, B&Bs (why on earth would I want to speak to someone I don’t know in the morning and compliment them on their breakfast-making skills?) cheap hotels with polyester sheets, nasty dirty public toilets in pubs and restaurants ( it takes me hours to clean the seat, and I just can’t bare my bum if someone has ‘soiled’ the sides, or left any fetid miasmas, I just go out and wait until I get home, rather like a camel, I can wait AGES) I have always loved fashion: I used to have a Saturday job at Timothy Whites, when I was a teenager, and I would save up my wages to buy the best designer clothes, from the one and only up-market fashion shop in the town.

Since I first discovered the perfume counter, I have been tantalised by Guerlain’s Samsara and Madame Rochas’ Byzance but above all, Chanel No 5 was the pinnacle of olfactory excellence. We loved the black and white boxes, the smell and we were all quite dismayed when they brought out Chanel No 19. I do remember that CoCo Chanel then became my firm favourite BUT right now I have gone back to No 5 and Coco Mademoiselle, as they are not quite as heavy. We gals know our perfumes!

We didn’t need a trashy advert to tempt us to buy the perfume! Imagine how surprised I was to see Arm Pitt, who apparently is the heart throb of the day, standing like someone whose underpants were too tight for him, mumbling incomprehensibly about a perfume that he is using? Perhaps? My god, he is an ACTOR, what is wrong with him? I just can’t get my breath at the banal lack of  integrity! Who is the art director? Where has this ‘striving for excellence’ vanished to? Is a classy product of long-standing success to be obfuscated in the mundanity of an excuse for ‘crass -celebrity- curtain-calls’ ? Come on now Chanel, surely you can do better?

Anyway, I have got to that stage in my life where I am not particularly impressed by adverts: some of them presume, that we have a brain the size of a gnat, and that we will buy a pile of trash, because a small spectrum of the populace, that they hope portray ‘the norm’, speak whilst their lips just remain in a smile, so there is no audible articulation, a complete lack of consonants and just a burble of vowels. Try it! Try saying WATER with your mouth in a smile! The ‘cool’ teenagers at school used to ask me,” Miss, can I get a drink of water?” but all with out moving their lips! I used to sometimes say to them that I didn’t know what wau..uh was. Perhaps Mr Pitt has been practising this technique?

Just a little praise of Chanel’s Sublimage essential regenerating cream: it is LUSCIOUS! You don’t need an advert do you girls? When I say that it smells like Ponds cold cream and comes in a real glass jar. Ruth asked me to test it and I started the jar at the beginning of March, I think. There is still about half left in the jar and I have used it every day! I LOVE it. It really smooths the skin  and feels wonderful. It does leave a bit of a shine though, which I hate, so it is best with my foundation powder brushed on the top. I didn’t like the serum as much because it smelt of alchohol and I really hate that smell you get from old perfume when you first spray it on. Probably I was too sparing and should have used it up more quickly which brings me to a pet hate: Why do they sell under-eye cream in such big pots because you use so little that they have gone off before you get your money’s worth?

Bye bye my lovelies…… I apologise to all those people who responded to my last blog, and I will answer, but I have been so BUSY……..I started this post on September 14th………. Sorry I also seem to have gone off on one…….you should hear me going on about our plutocratic society we live in, I can go on for hours………ranting away… but it is now 00:10 and my wonderful bed awaits and I need to escape on my raft of female romanticism into that wonderful world of dreams……….actually I am trying to finish this book on the Medicis and finding it uncomfortably similar to ………….but that’s another story! Night Night………



  1. You are just so darling! I love reading all the stories and reviews on your blog. Your writing is very straightforward yet endearing 🙂 Please never stop.

    1. Here I am back again, after much deliberation, I decided it was rather comforting to write a blog and have people who were interested to chat to. Hope you like it! I have been trying out a few anti-ageing creams and my NECK is now FAT!

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